Fire and Blood
by wishing-my-eyes-were-topez
Summary: Jace is losing something that means the world to him Jace/Clary
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I do not own these characters. they are cassandra clare's

**Jace's POV**

Jace threw his weight against the door. It _has_ to open this time he thought. Each blow he gave the door seemed to add more fear in his heart. He had never felt so paralyzingly scared before. Not when he was locked in the Silent City and not even when he had faced aragmon. Though one could argue this was similar to that. But the difference between these two occasions was so vast that it was comical that one would even be so bold as to suggest that they were alike. The difference was excruciatingly large, and the reason Jace put all his force into his shoulder as in collided with the door, only to bounce off it again, his shoulder screaming in agony.

Jace swore. If only he could break down doors and blow apart walls with runes like Clary. Her name burned his heart as he thought it. What good was being able to jump thirty feet in the air if all you needed was to get through a door.

"Think Jace, think!" Jace muttered under his breath, he needed to think. He had lived in the institute for nearly half his life, why could he not think of another way into the weapons room.

Desperate Jace grabbed the potted fern that sat across the wall and threw it against the door. The door dented pushing inward and warping slightly off the door frame. _Perfect _Jace thought. Then taking a deep breath he ran straight for the door and this time felt his shoulder break and the door give way.

Using the pain to help him think he quickly slid sideways from the doorway because he knew they would hear the door being blown open. Come to think of it they had probably heard all his attempts. This was going to be very difficult, more difficult than even he had considered.

But none of that seemed to matter. What mattered was the petit redhead, Clary. He couldn't erase the look on her face as his father grabbed her. He could hear her voice as she yelled his name. He could feel his heart still breaking each time he thought how unlikely it was that she was even alive at this point.

He grabbed four seraph blades as he passed the shelf and slipped silently around the corner to another row of shelves. Even in the dark he knew exactly where he was going. He had to make it to the back corner. He knew that's where Valentine would be. It was the most defensible area of the room. Though he had to admit that in a room full of weapons, almost any part could become defensible.

He rounded the far end of the row he had been walking down and could see the eerie glow of witchlight penetrating the dark in the back corner of the room. He was glad for a moment that he could think like his father and predict what his course of action would be.

Jace sprinted down the length of the room, passing countless rows of weaponry. Each step seemed to make the terror build cutting off his breath, the feeling in his body and his rational thinking. He was sinking into the warrior, the Jace he became as he sized up an enemy the Jace that the adrenaline brought out. But he couldn't completely push away the doubt, couldn't push away the memory of the false Clary falling into him and dying in his arms. "That won't happen again." He thought desperately trying to convince himself. But he couldn't really push any of that away at all.

He jumped the low pile of weapons, gear and shelves that he suspected had been hastily thrown together as a barricade.

However, once inside the circle the witchlight was brighter than he had thought and his eyes burned, he also saw that his father had had time to summon quite a few demons to him.

But none of that concerned Jace as he saw his father leaning against the wall as though watching a baseball game he didn't care the outcome of. Jace ran over to him pulling two of the blades from his belt as he hurtled one raum demon and stabbing another bird-like demon and he raced by. He skidded to a halt in front of his father raising the blades to his throat.

"Where is she you bastard"

"That took you longer than I thought it would Jonathan, I'm disappointed."

"Where Is She?" Jace spat through his teeth

"It's almost like you really don't care what happens to Clarissa at all." Jace couldn't think he just stared at his father, his eyes glinting in the witchlight. "I'm afraid you missed her, Jonathan, I had my forsaken take her through a portal to Idris."

"You lie."

"If there was one person I don't think I could lie to it would be you, Jonathan. You know me well enough to see through what most don't. That's why I liked you. That's why I'm going to offer you a deal."

"I'm not here to negotiate. And I'm the one with a blade to your throat so you may want to factor that into whatever deal you think you're going to make."

"Yes Jonathan. But I also can kill you perhaps better than with a blade with something in _My_ possession."

"Where is she?"

"She's dead."

Jace spun and grabbed a shield from where it lay beside him and smashed it into Valentine's skull. The man crumpled to the floor.

"You should have just answered my question." He told the man's unconscious body.

Jace grabbed the witch light off the ground and threw a seraph blade deep into the heart of a drevak demon. He knew they would probably attack him now that Valentine was not in immediate danger. He then turned and jumped the barricade. Running the length of the room he stopped at the closet off the east wall of the room. He wrenched the door open. The movement suddenly bringing his broken shoulder back to his attention. Wincing he shined the witchlight into the closet.

He quickly inventoried the supplies. He dropped the witchlight. There were no demons in the closet and he knew where everything was kept. He would take a few things before heading to Magnus's for a portal.

Suddenly his foot landed on a puddle of liquid and his legs slipped out from under him. Cursing he pulled another seraph blade out of his belt, not knowing if another demon had followed him in. That seemed unlikely, they weren't that smart. But he also was counting on the light from the blade to tell him what he had slipped on.

In the glow of the seraph blade he could tell that it was blood. The panic enveloped him again. He spun on the spot and saw crumpled against the wall was a mass of something. Perhaps someone was injured. But as he got closer he recognized the red hair. Relief and horror washed over him so powerfully that he was brought to his knees as he moved to the girl in the corner. The turned her limp body over as he checked for her pulse. He hand gently running up and down her neck. Praying to the God he never believed in to let him be lucky this once. Finally he located a movement so small he hadn't noticed it the first time in her throat. She was alive. He felt tears falling down his cheeks as he cradled the body of his sister into his chest. The body of the love of his life, the body of the reason for his life.

Knowing she was badly injured and in need of Magnus's healing abilities he scooped her small body into his arms and ran for the door he had broken down what seemed like so long ago.

**please review!**


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

**Diclaimer: I don't own anything**

_Knowing she was badly injured and in need of Magnus's healing abilities he scooped her small body into his arms and ran for the door he had broken down what seemed like so long ago._

"What the hell happened to you two?" Luke asked, "I sent you out to make sure Maia was alright and you come back six hours later carrying Clary through my door an inch from death."

Jace looked down at the old, beat up kitchen table, and tried not to notice the strange flashes of light and noises coming from Luke's living room where Magnus was trying to revive Clary. He knew Luke felt the same need to be in the living room with her and watch over her, and also the desire to stay away and almost deny what had happened and what was happening in the other room. Jace could feel the two desires warring with each other inside of him, but decided he would rather sit in the kitchen like he had only come over for pizza and Clary would probably walk through the door in a few minutes. And the fact that Luke was here talking to him was proof they had made the same decision.

"We did check on Maia. She's fine."

Luke just stared at him, and Jace knew that he had answered the one part of the question that didn't matter at all.

"… and we got a little delayed on the way back…"

"A Little?!?! Jace this isn't funny, if you told us what happened it might help Magnus."

Jace looked back down at the table and was unable to look at Luke as he started talking.

"We left Simon's about an hour after we got there. We took the subway to Taki's. I thought we should get something to eat." Jace glanced up and knew that Luke didn't believe they had only gone because they were hungry. Jace could remember how it felt when he was alone with Clary, when she held his hand, when he steadied her as she had tripped up the stairs of the subway station. He could recall how he thought she was so fragile feeling. But he winced as he remembered thinking that he was going to try to be there to keep her from getting hurt, because ultimately that would be more time with her. It hurt to think how quickly his vow had been thrown back at him, he wasn't used to failing so badly at anything like he failed at everything when it came to Clary.

"We left the restaurant and we took a shortcut back to the subway station, because she was afraid you would be worried."

Luke snorted as Jace mumbled through the last part.

"Then as we got out of the alley I heard a noise from behind us, I glanced behind to make sure no one was following us. I only saw a hobo. As I was turning around to keep on walking I heard Clary scream. I turned in time to see Valentine grabbing her and pulling her away. I reached for a seraph blade but it was stuck in my belt. She yelled my name and then she and Valentine disappeared…" Jace finished not sure if he was going to be able to continue. He couldn't help but notice that it seemed like the whole incident was entirely his fault the way he had told it. Although he wasn't going to contradict that assessment. He firmly believed that it was in fact his fault.

"Well that's obviously not the whole story, as you seemed to have found her again." Luke accused, but continued on as Jace open his mouth to speak cutting him off. "But I'm really glad you did. You're really brave Jace. No one can deny that, and I'm glad you are. Without you who knows what would have happened to Clary."

Not knowing how to react to the compliment he just sat in the chair and stared at his hands in his lap.

Just then Magnus strode through the door. "She'll pull through, but she's going to be really out of it for a while. I had to use some pretty strong magic. Her father must have done something terrible to her."

Luke stiffened at the words _her father, _but otherwise both he and Jace remained stoic throughout the diagnosis. Luke got up and walked into the living room, and kneeled next to the couch where Clary lay, still unconscious.

It hurt Jace that he couldn't do the same. Though he felt it should be Luke she wakes up to. He wasn't sure if she would even talk to him when she woke up. Clary had the right to be really upset with him over this. And Jace knew that he would not be able to fairly hold it against her. He also knew that he was never going to allow them to drift apart and he would stay here sleeping under the front porch steps if he had to, to make sure Clary was ok and that he was here when she woke up.


	3. Chapter 3

**Hey Happy Holidays Everyone!!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything**

As the cab worked its way through the late night traffic Jace replayed the fight. His muscles telling the story more than his memory. That was what he loved about a fight. The way his muscles reacted, the strain, the pain of injury that told him that he was alive and if he kept on going perhaps he could forget the real reason he was here doing what he was doing.

"Give me your arm"

" I'm fine."

Isabelle only held out her hand in response.

"Seriously Izzy."

She reached over and grabbed his arm anyway. He let her have it. There was really no point to resisting Isabelle. Jace felt the stele as she drew the healing rune. It seems silly considering this wouldn't heal what was actually hurting.

"Jace…"he glanced over when she trailed off, "do you… want to talk about it?" she asked carefully

Jace looked away, out the window of the cab. He wasn't entirely sure he knew what to talk about even if he decided he did want to talk about it. The problem was that if he decided to talk to Isabelle, then he would have to admit something was wrong. That wasn't really something Jace was willing to do. He'd spent his whole life running from his problems, moving quickly battle to battle, injury to injury in order to keep from stopping. He would do anything as long as _something_ was happening. But now it felt like someone had placed a brick wall in his path and he was being forced to confront his fears, his past, as every little horror he'd run from slowly caught up to him. It was terrifying to have to remember what he was running from, to try to stand up to something that he had subconsciously sworn to forget.

"I don't think now's a good time Isabelle."Jace said still speaking to the window.

"That's fine. Just remember we're here Jace. Don't shut us out."

"We're home" Alec said speaking for the first time.

"Go on ahead without me."

Jace saw Alec glance at him from the corner of his eyes at his answer. But Alec and Isabelle both got out without an argument, and walked gracefully up the walk to the Gothic church.

************************************************************************************************************

**(A/N I thought about stopping here but it seemed too short)**

Jace leaned back into the seat of the cab as it sped off. He wasn't exactly comfortable. He hadn't been to Luke's for a week and a half. Alec and Isabelle had had them going on hunts everyday, sometimes twice a day. He was so exhausted from this that he had not gone to visit. Jace knew that's why they were doing it. But he had hoped, as he was sure they did as well, that it would distract him.

He had to admit he was amazed how horribly that plan had failed. A fight was the best way Jace had found to escape, he would forget everything in the heat of a battle. Well, at least that's how it worked before Clary.

When he thought about it he felt a little guilty for staying away. Because as a brother he should have been there more often. Just the word brother made his skin crawl, and chest contract. He had never really given thought to if he had wanted siblings before, he had the Lightwoods for that. But his sibling and he were nothing like that. Clary and Jace were unlike most siblings.

The cab slammed to a stop. Jace threw some bills through the divider and jumped out of the cab. As much as he had felt guilty in the cab, it was worse as he walked up the path toward the bookstore.

Jace tapped on the door, meaning to just announce his entrance on his way into the house. However, before he could even reach for the knob the door swung open. Simon stood on the other side. He stood there staring at him. Jace was beginning to be worried about Simon's mental ability when he spoke.

"It's about time you showed up."

**Sorry! I changed this back into Third person, I didn't realize I had switched Thanks to dandy9!**


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: I really don't own anything... I wish**

_"It's about time you showed up."_

Jace stood frozen for a split second before he moved toward the door. He was intending on pushing past Simon into the house, but Simon pushed him back outside and shut the door behind him. Jace was in shock, he had forgotten to take into account Simon's new strength.

"What do you think you're doing here?" Simon hissed through his teeth

"What do you think Dracula?" Jace shot back. He really didn't feel like talking to Simon.

" It's been 10 days Jace! You think you can just waltz back here and just pretend those days didn't happen?" Simon accused

"There's been more demon activity, the Lightwoods needed me." Jace said confidentially, because the words were true.

"That doesn't mean you can forget about your _sister_!" Simon shouted.

Jace flinched, but he would never tell Simon that all he had thought about was his sister. That he had fought off all the demons he could in the past week as if hoping one of them would hold the key to changing his blood. He certainly hadn't forgotten about her.

Suddenly the door flew open and Luke stalked into the night. "What's going on out here Simon?" he asked and then he saw Jace. Jace tried to smile a hello but Luke was just staring at him. "Jace...." he started, "It's good of you to show up, I think Clary will like that." the words were similar to Simon's first, but Luke actually did sound thankful, and very worn.

"Thanks Luke, I-" he was going to add that he came as soon as he could, but that wasn't entirely true.

Luke just smiled wearily and waved them all back into the house.

Jace looked around the kitchen he had been in just over a week ago. It looked completely different. There were dishes stacked on ever surface, and mail almost entirely covered the table. There were boxes of books lining the one wall that were obviously waiting to be sorted. It became clear to Jace just how much Clary did for Luke.

"I'm afraid she still hasn't regained consciousness, but I still have hope it'll be soon."

Jace followed Luke into the guest room. He heard Simon follow hesitantly. "Luke, I think I'm going to head home. I'll see you soon."

"Alright, that's fine, thanks for coming over Simon." replied Luke and he left to walk Simon out.

Jace found himself in the room alone with Clary. Unconscious but still there. He wasn't sure how to react to that, but he grabbed a chair from the corner and pulled it over to the side of the bed. He reached out and carefully grabbed Clary's hand, and gave it a little squeeze.

"Clary..." Jace wasn't sure what to say, or if he should say anything at all. But all the words that he had been unable to tell Isabelle or anyone else suddenly began to tumble out, "I'm so sorry Clary. I wish I could fix what happened. I wish you could forgive me, though it's more than I deserve. I'm so lost without you. I need you. And I'm scared, because I've never needed anyone else before..." Jace trailed off. It felt strange confessing this and talking to an unresponsive person, even one as easy to talk to as Clary.

"You have to come back, I need you, Luke needs you." Jace stared at her hand lying in his own, and thought about how much he wanted them to be able to be together.

"Jace?" Jace jumped at the sound of his name and looked to the figure on the bed. He would have known the voice anywhere. And he was shocked to see Clary's beautiful emerald eyes staring at him, like a man stuck in the desert stares at water.

"Hey you" Jace said softly as Clary pulled herself to a sitting position, "You gave us all a good scare." And then he stood up and hugged her gently and yet with all the love he possessed. "I'm so sorry Clary" he whispered in her ear as he held her. He felt so much better with his arms around her feeling her warmth and breath on him. He pulled away to look at her. She was staring at him, something burning deep within her eyes.

"I thought I'd lost you," Clary said quietly, "I was so scared."

Jace hugged her again feeling her heart beat wildly against his chest. "Me too, it's alright now, everything's going to be fine."

"Jace, nothing is ever fine." Clary said sounding happy despite her attempt to sound exasperated.

"Is Luke...?" Clary asked.

"Yeah" Jace answered, and then turned toward the door to the room and shouted, "Luke, come in here!"

**please review**


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5 Yay!!!!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own any of the character etc...**

They both sat in silence as they listened, but there was no answer.

"I guess he's busy" Jace said smirking

"Yeah" Clary replied weakly.

The strain in her voice made Jace turn to look at her. She seemed so pale and thin.

"Here, you should drink this," he said handing her a mug of liquid, "it will help give you energy."

Clary took a sip and put the mug back on the bedside table. She stared at him, there was so much in that gaze that he turned away.

"Jace, what happened?" Clary asked looking at him. He could tell she was trying to catch his eye, but he continued to stare at the window.

"I..." he trailed off and turned to look at her. He looked at her eyes. They were so green, so deep, so trusting. He wished so much he deserved it. "I don't know Clary. Something changed, he's desperate now. Valentine came after _us_..."

"Why? Why now?" asked Clary, "I thought he was going to go to Idris."

"We don't know what he's doing or where he's going." Jace said but there was an edge to his voice. It was almost as if the mystery was a direct challenge to him.

"It doesn't matter," Clary replied.

"What doesn't matter?" Jace couldn't think of anything that mattered more to him right now... well perhaps there was one thing.

"Valentine, he said..." As she spoke the color drained from her face.

"Clary! hey" He said jumping to his feet as she started to fall. He caught her with one arm and helped her to lie back unto the pillow. "Stay with me Clary" He said, _stay with me forever_.

"Sorry, my head, I feel so tired" Clary slurred out as she stared up at him. He stared back unable to tear his eyes away from her.

"It's alright just relax." He said worrying. He hated to see her like this. She had always been a fighter, and now she was defeated, weak, and it was his fault. He reached back to the bed and gently took the hand that he had been holding before. He used his thumb to rub soothing patterns across the back of her hand. He looked back to her face and found her smiling at him. He tried to smile back.

There was a noise in the hallway and Luke was on the threshold.

"Clary!" Luke exclaimed as he strode into the room. He went straight for the bed and Jace quickly moved to let him by. He knew how important she was to him. He gently hugged her and spoke quietly to her as Jace slowly backed out of the room. He wanted to give them privacy and he needed to think.

As always, he'd been so sure that if he could see her, and talk to her that he could convince himself to see her as his sister. But it seemed every time they were together he was less and less able to see why he would want to see her as his sister.

Jace walked into the living room and sat down on the couch across from the fireplace where a fire had been built. He stared into the flames and let his thoughts consume him. He thought about the last few weeks. About Valentine and the plans he had shared with him. But mostly he couldn't keep his thoughts away from the girl in the other room.

He thought of every conversation, every shared emotion, every stolen touch. He knew deep down as he had always known, that he couldn't keep up their charade much longer. He only hoped that when he finally caved and went to find her that she would and could return those feelings.

Fate it seemed had played a cruel joke on them. He couldn't help but feel taken advantage of or conned. But how could you change your parents, your DNA. How could you change things that were so powerful, so constant. You can no more choose your family than you could stop a raging fire with your bare hands.

Helplessness was not something Jace had been used to feeling, and now it seemed it was all he had for company. He could not help but feel so weak in the face of the challenges and obstacles that had recently risen to test him. And suddenly he felt it didn't matter if he couldn't defeat the fire or his blood. He would just have to live under the circumstances. Perhaps the two of them could run away. They could move out west and pretend to be different people. The could assume different names and move to Europe.

As he stared into the hypnotizing flames he knew all his fantasies were folly. He couldn't be with Clary, for so many reasons, but mostly because she would never allow it. She had her head in the right place, her heart as well. No matter how much he wished that heart belonged to him, it shouldn't. And he knew as he'd known at that afternoon at Taki's, that he would have let her go. But he also knew he wasn't going to disappear, he intended to be around and look after her, even if he could not have any real claim to her. Because that's how it was, somethings were never meant to be, and somethings were never meant to be changed or challenged, like fire and blood.


End file.
